


i know the end

by flowerpicker



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Baggage, Eventual Romance, F/F, F/M, Fireflies, Grief/Mourning, Gun Violence, Lovers to Strangers to Lovers?, Minor Character Death, Older Man/Younger Woman, Original Character Death(s), POV Multiple, Past Relationship(s), Pining, Post-Apocalypse, Pregnancy, Reunions, Sex, Survivor Guilt, Touch-Starved Joel dont touch me, Tragic Romance, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Unresolved Tension, WLF, mention of miscarriage
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:15:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25157614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowerpicker/pseuds/flowerpicker
Summary: Guilt is The Thief of LifeJoel swore she got bit. He remembered the blood leaking out of her thigh, her tear filled eyes meeting his and her hands shaking as she tried to cover the deep, fleshy wound from his vision. He thought about it every time his goddamn eyes closed.So what was she doing standing in front of him?Living.Breathing.Alive. God. She was fucking alive.
Relationships: Ellie/Kat (The Last of Us), Joel (The Last of Us)/Original Female Character(s), Maria/Tommy (The Last of Us)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 50





	1. Before

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> This is my first time posting something here so I hope I'm doing it right and the layout doesn't get all fucked?  
> Anyway. Let me know ur thoughts! I am excited to keep writing this  
> thank u thank u thank u

“Joel-” She managed to choke out, he stood in front of her, her eyes on his back as he glanced at the young girl, making sure she was still alive. She was- That makes two outta three. 

Fighting off the infected had always been hard. She wished for a day it would become easier. Maybe today was the day she had hoped when she realised it only took one bullet to take down the infected that was hurling towards her. It landed at her feet and soon enough she was firing rounds at the infected that were surrounding Joel and the kid. Ellie tried to assure them that she’d be fine, they knew she would be, they just didn’t want to give a child a weapon. So instead she cowered behind Joel, not having any way of defending herself against the monsters. She was immune but it didn’t mean they wouldn’t rip out her jugular and gnaw on her flesh. 

Joel fired his final round into the infected’s face and they were about to keep moving until Grace felt a hot soaring pain in her thigh, she looked down and the infected she thought she had killed was about to take another bite out of her thigh. She fired a bullet into its head and watched it fall to the ground, making sure it was dead this time. She was relieved when no further movement came from the ugly piece of flesh.  
Wait.  
Wait..  
Her blood soon started to pool around the fucker’s head and there was a circular chunk of her thigh missing. The pain soared throughout her body as she watched the blood run down her leg.  
Fuck.  
That thing had bitten her.  
She was frozen. Wishing there was a guide for telling the guy you have been fucking for 6 years that you’ve been bitten and will now turn into the very thing that tore your lives apart.  
She watched as Joel quickly checked on Ellie, making sure the precious cargo was still secure. She was.  
He thought he wouldn’t need to check on Grace. She had been fine for the past 10 years they’d been doing this. What would the difference be today?  
The difference would be that she was too confident. Cocky, even. And now a chunk of her thigh was missing. 

“Joel-” Her voice sounded from behind him, a tone he had never heard before. She sounded like she was a burden, like she didn’t really want him to hear her. He turned around and looked at her, giving her a soft smile as if to reassure her that she was ok.  
She shook her head stiffly.  
“Oh, fuck,” Ellie spoke. His eyebrows furrowed before looking away from Grace’s concerned features, he started to notice the sweat beads dripping down her face, the redness of her eyes and soon enough she shaking of her hands. It didn’t take him more than a few seconds to notice the wound on her leg. The deep red liquid seeping from her separated flesh.  
“Fuck,” He whispered before walking towards her, Grace quickly tried to move away from him, her head shaking quickly,  
“Don’t-” She started but soon fell onto the floor as her leg could no longer carry her weight. She fell with a soft thud onto the concrete below them but Joel kept getting closer to her, a hopeless look in his eyes, “Joel, stop,” she spoke sternly, her voice cracking as she dragged her body away from him, “I’m gonna turn, you-” her throat closed for a brief second, “you need to go,” her blood stained hands moved to cover the throbbing wound, as she tried to rid herself of the guilt she was feeling,  
“Grace, no-”  
“Joel! Stop. Think,”  
“Fuck!” he exclaimed angrily, his hands shaking as he stood a few steps away from her, feeling helpless and empty as he stared at her. She looked terrified, her skin was paling and her eyes were wide. “I-” he started,  
“GO! Just- Go. They need her,” She weakly gestured towards Ellie who was looking down at Grace with a soft frown, adding to the list of people Ellie had lost. 

Ellie enjoyed being around Grace- They rebounded off each other well and seemed to both have fun ridiculing Joel, he couldn’t be mad at them both. That would be far too exhausting.  
They had only known each other for a few weeks but she was protective over Ellie. Grace would open a can of beans, take two mouthfuls and give the rest to the kid, much to Joel’s dismay, but she would insist, Ellie was growing; she needed it more.  
And maybe it was true, it would be wasted on Grace now. 

Ellie watched as Grace smiled softly up at Joel and she wondered how the fuck she wasn’t groaning in excruciating pain. Her bite was bigger than Ellie’s had ever been but if Ellie wanted to dismember herself she couldn’t even imagine the sharp, acidic burning that was throbbing throughout Grace’s leg right now. Ellie almost wanted to hand her Joel’s machete just to get the job done faster. 

But it wasn’t long until Joel gripped onto Ellie’s forearm and pulled her away from Grace’s still conscious body, her breaths were short but heavy. Joel didn’t look back once but Ellie couldn’t help but take quick glances at the woman she trusted who was now lying on the floor of a dismantled, overgrown warehouse in a pool of her own blood. 

Joel wasn’t the same after that. As if he wasn’t enough of a grumpy old shit before losing Grace. He was almost insufferable in the eyes of Ellie. Although there were times when the Joel that she knew Grace loved would peak through.  
It would be rare, but Ellie would treasure them.


	2. 1

As if the burning sun wasn’t enough of a hassle on Grace’s flesh, her skin was now covered in his blood.  
She told him to wait, told him that she’d go and get him help, they were close enough, but he shook his head,  
“I’m not like you, I can feel it,” Robert whispered before raising his pistol to his chin and pulling the trigger. Grace stumbled back, the warm blood spraying across her face, she felt it drip down her neck and trickle into her shirt. She was quick to wipe it off with her sleeve.  
Grace stood there, frozen and not knowing what to do with him. She knew that in the old world she would hold a funeral for him, speak about his life, how he saved hers and kept her warm during every cold night for the last three years.  
But this wasn’t the old world, it was after. And after was different. Bodies weren’t respected the way they used to be. He deserved the old world.  
She placed a discarded towel over his unrecognisable face and left his body alone with a whispered, “I’m sorry.” 

She knew where she was going but now she just felt lost. She hadn’t been alone since she told them to leave her in that warehouse, scared that she would turn in front of them. Grace inhaled sharply, pushing the thought of them away before guilt overcame her body. 

Just a little bit longer. She just needed to make it to Jackson. Robert had heard rumours of the settlement back in Boston before he found her. He told her he would take her, “I have an old friend there, it’s safe, he knows I’m coming.” And of course, she believed him. Just like he believed her when she said she wasn’t going to turn. He cleaned her wound and helped her walk for weeks until she could stand on her own two feet again.  
“Why are you doing this?”  
“Doing what?” he replied with a soft laugh as his arm held her waist securely, helping her move across the uneven ground,  
“Helping me, you could have just left me there,”  
“No,” he shook his head, “You remind me too much of her.”  
And it was true. The night that they fucked for the first time, he gripped onto her waist and groaned a soft, “Rebecca,” under his breath. She could have done the obvious thing, move away from him, ask him what the fuck was going on and never allow him to touch her again. But instead, she let him finish, she pulled her jeans back on and didn’t bring it up, knowing that it was a touchy subject. Everybody had them. Including Grace. 

She couldn’t even bring herself to think about Joel and Ellie. She felt the guilt so deep inside her that her hands would start shaking and her lungs would freeze in their spot, not allowing her to breathe until she redirected her thoughts. 

If they made it to the Fireflies, the world wouldn’t still be like this. 

She often wondered what happened to them, maybe Joel got bit? Maybe Ellie died and he didn’t want to see it through. Maybe they were murdered. Maybe their limbs got ripped off by infected as they gnawed on the flesh.

Her head felt light and the world around her started spinning. That’s when she realised she hadn’t taken a breath. So, she inhaled the warm air and kept walking, stepping over the fallen branches that littered her path. It didn’t take her long to reach the bottom, and when she did she saw it. The fences looked sturdier than any building she had seen in the last 2 years. 

The gate opened.

It was safe.


	3. 2

It didn’t take long for the woman to find Grace a new shirt that wasn’t covered in blood. She was seated on a plastic chair in the stables- it smelt like hay and horse shit but at least she could rest at ease even if it was just for a moment.  
“How’d you find us?” The blond woman asked her leaning against the wooden wall with her arms across her chest, Grace kept her hands clasped on her legs,  
“Well you’re not exactly hard to spot,” She replied with a soft laugh, her voice hoarse from the lack of water in her system. A man soon enough rounded the corner, Grace’s heart leaped into her throat but quickly fell back down when she gathered her thoughts, not him.  
Not. Him.  
Soon enough they asked Grace’s name. She looked between the two, his voice repeating throughout her head.  
“If you wanna survive, under no circumstances do people find out your name,” It was all she could hear. His face was all she could see. Her hands started to sweat, her heart hurt. She stiffly looked up and swear she saw him when she looked at the man’s face,  
“Grace.”  
Fuck. It slipped out. Fucking hell.  
They didn’t speak, instead they glanced at each other briefly but the man quickly looked away. Grace knew her time was up. This was it. They were going to kill her now. Something has caught up to her and this is her time.  
“I’m Tommy,”  
“Maria.” 

They walked her through the town- It was the largest settlement she had seen since the outbreak that wasn’t being controlled by the military. There were people talking, smiling, laughing, kids running around and a man playing a guitar out the front of a building. This didn’t feel real. Grace was convinced the fungus in her brain was making her hallucinate.  
That theory was only confirmed when Maria handed her a single key once they walked down a quiet street, stopping in front of a small cottage on stilts. Grace glanced at the key then back up at Maria with a confused stare,  
“Go on patrol, go hunting and help out around here and it’s yours,”  
“Really?” She asked in disbelief, Tommy nodded, “When do I start?”  
“You’re comin’ out on patrol with me tomorrow morning. With myself and a few others.” 

The cottage was a single room with a double bed in the corner, a small kitchenette, a couch and a seperate bathroom. Grace spent most of her evening in that bathroom, almost burning her skin off in the bath but she couldn’t remember she was in water that was even slightly warm and it was only when the water became cold that she got out, rubbing the towel across her body and sliding into some of the clothes that Maria gave her. A pair of jeans and a grey t-shirt. She wished she felt secure enough to sleep in the pyjama pants that were given to her, maybe one day. 

God. This bed was so fucking comfortable. 

So comfortable that Grace slept through the first wake up call. Her eyes only peeled open when someone started banging at her front door. Adrenaline shot through her system, the threw the blankets off her body, grabbed her shoes and ran over to the door swinging it open,  
“Fuck, I’m so sorry-” She started saying but immediately stopped when she realised it wasn’t Tommy,  
“It’s not me you gotta apologise to,” The man said in a joking tone with a small smirk on his face, Grace laughed softly as she laced up her shoes all while grabbing her backpack and a jacket at the same time.  
They walked towards the stables together, the man introduced himself as Jesse and they were partnered up to go out together. Her time with him gave her memories of her time with Joel, they bounced off each other well and he made her laugh. But he wasn’t him; Robert wasn’t him; No one could ever be him.  
And she had convinced herself that Joel couldn’t even be Joel anymore. He was a ghost.  
Just a memory to her now.


	4. 3

Grace’s first patrol went well.  
Her and Jesse took down three infected they came across, stayed at the post for a few hours and then made their way back to Jackson- Tommy was impressed and signed her on for the next morning’s shift. That time had come around and Grace made sure that she actually would wake up on time for it and not embarrass herself again.  
She left her house after throwing an overshirt on top of the tank top Maria gave her and made her way to the stable.  
“Look who decided to show up on time,” Tommy stated with a soft chuckle as she walked up to the small group that had gathered, Grace opened her mouth to reply with a smart comment but she caught her eye.  
It was uncanny- The resemblance. The way her lips curved up into a small mischievous smile, the slight red shine in her hair when the sun hit it and the raspiness of her laugh as she spoke with Jesse.  
It was like Ellie was standing in front of her again.  
The amount of times Grace had sworn she’d seen Ellie and Joel’s ghosts in others. She was convinced this was just another one of those times.  
She remained convinced the whole patrol that she spent with Tommy. The whole 4 hours she was repeatedly convincing herself that she was seeing things- The fungus in her body was rotting her brain.  
“You’re a good shot,” Tommy acknowledged when Grace sniped an infected,  
“Thanks,” She replied before turning to him, the continued walking for a few moments before he spoke again,  
“Might even be a better shot than my brother,” He muttered, almost to himself but with a soft scoff,  
“Brother?” Grace asked in disbelief, Tommy nodded in response, “s’Not often you find people with siblings from before anymore. You’re lucky,”  
“I wouldn’t exactly say I’m lucky. He can be an asshole.” 

All that time she spent convincing herself went to waste when her and Tommy rode back into the stables, tying the horses up and putting their weapons into the storeroom. She was leaning against the wall, she looked like she was waiting for someone- Probably Tommy- Until she saw Grace.  
The smile faded and her eyes seemed to widen, not to mention the colour in her cheeks faded.  
“You ‘right, Kiddo?” Tommy asked once he laid eyes on the girl, Grace didn’t know what to do so she just gave her a tight lipped smile and exited the barn, her hands deep in her pockets as she walked as quickly as she could back to her house.  
That moment of what seemed to be mutual recognition haunted Grace all night- She didn’t sleep. Didn’t eat. Didn’t leave the house.  
Grace had grieved Ellie. There was no situation that Grace could think of that Ellie would still be alive in. Joel was far too stubborn and stuck in his ways not to hand her over to the FireFlies- No cure had come.  
They had to have died on the journey.  
Grace inhaled on the end of the stick of tobacco she held between her lips as she stood on the porch of the cottage, leaning on the railing. The dim street lights illuminating her view of the small garage attached to the house across the street, soft, muffled voices left the building.  
She thought the cigarette would help. It didn’t. Nothing did. They wouldn’t leave her fucking mind. It had been three years since that day and she was becoming convinced that she actually died and now she was just living in a purgatory hell, roaming the world as an infected thinking she was still who she was before. 

“Hey,” Tommy nodded once she opened the door, she stared at him through squinted, sleep deprived eyes, the sun was bright and she didn’t want to be awake. His eyes never quite met hers but he stepped around her and entered the cottage, Grace was confused but she closed the door behind her. “Why didn’t you come on patrol today?” Tommy asked her, folding his arms across his chest as he sat on the arm of the couch, Grace mirrored him, her arms going across her body too as she stood next to the door.  
“Didn’t sleep last night-”  
“We needed you, Grace. Ran into about 30 infected about a mile outta here,”  
“‘M sorry, Tommy. I’ll be there tomorrow,” She apologised, he nodded, still not meeting her eyes and an awkward silence settled between the two. She waited for him to move but he didn’t, his eyes stayed on the floor,  
“You can’t avoid him forever you know,”  
“W- Who?”  
“Joel.”


	5. 4

She stared at Tommy. Her heart was in her throat and she felt like she was going to throw up.  
“This is a joke, right?” She choked out, tears burning her eyes, she turned away from him and wiped her eyes quickly, trying to stabilize her breath as her ribs strangled her lungs.  
There was no way. No fucking way that Joel was alive and that she had been actively avoiding him. 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Robert asked, his voice drifting in front of her and falling into her ears, she snapped out of her thoughts and shook her head immediately,  
“No,” She whispered in response, her grip tightening on her backpack straps as she tried to balance herself along the uneven grounds of the creekbed, the stitches in her leg threatening to open,  
“It’s not healthy to not talk about things, Grace,” He said from behind her as he followed her trail.  
“It’s not healthy to do a lot of things, Robert,” She mumbled, he sighed out of frustration and picked up his pace to walk next to her,  
“I worry-”  
“I know you do,”  
“Then talk to me,”  
“Rober-”  
“Grace,” He replied sternly. She stopped in her tracks and exhaled softly,  
“I got my period,”  
“What?” He almost laughed, she started walking again, ignoring his response. He caught up to her again, “I don’t- Do you not usually… Get your… Get it… Period?” He stuttered awkwardly and if this were any other situation, Grace would laugh at his awkwardness but she was trying hard to fight the tears acidically burning her eyes.  
“Not for a few months, no,” She muttered. The silence and ensued was torturous. Robert didn’t speak for a while,  
“Is it uh… Is it mine?”  
“No,”  
“Oh thank god- I- Fuck- Fucking sorry,”  
“It’s fine,”  
“So. His?”  
“Yeah.” Even if there was a chance that Joel was still alive, Grace couldn’t bare to look at him after this. The look on his face when she told him, even though she was in tears out of fear, tears of joy started to stream from his eyes. He took her face into his hands and kissed her all over, not leaving an inch of skin untouched by his lips.  
She had given him a second chance and that’s all he needed to keep fighting. And now it was gone. 

“‘Fraid not,” Tommy replied, “He is.. Very much alive,” Grace choked out a small sob and Tommy watched her shoulders shake gently,  
“Fucking Christ-” She whispered after a few deep inhales trying to settle her body. He watched as she turned around, one hand resting on her stomach and the other gently wiping her eyes. He felt awful for coming here and springing this on her, but he knew it was in her best interest. And besides, he couldn’t risk her running off and him losing a good shot from his patrols.  
“Does he know I’m here?” She asked quietly, snapping Tommy from his thoughts, he shook his head in response,  
“No,”  
“Will he?”  
“Do you want him to?”  
“I don’t think I really have an option here,”  
“No, not really.”  
The two of them stayed in each other’s silence, not knowing what to say.  
“I should,” Tommy rose from his seat on the edge of the couch, “Should probably go,” He started to walk towards the door, his hand resting on the handle before he dropped it with a soft exhale, “Is it true?”  
“Is what true?” He turned to face her, his eyes immediately landing on her right thigh. Her stomach dropped, she didn’t say anything, “Joel said you got bit so I- I’m just putting two and two together here,” She continued to not say anything until she questioned what she had left to lose. Nothing.  
“It’s true.” She pushed out and he left shortly after, nodding his head stiffly, not speaking.  
She didn’t know what to do. Nothing felt real. It started to rain. She sat down on the couch. Head in her hands. Eyes burning. Heart pounding. Legs shaking. Three knocks sounded at the door before it opened. She looked up. The door opened. The world stopped.  
“Hi,” Grace heard, she rose, struggling to stand but somehow managing it,  
“Hey,” She whispered, clearing her throat softly before speaking again, “Hey, kid.”


	6. 5

Ellie was warm.  
She was so warm and comforting. Grace’s heart somehow felt whole again as they embraced each other in her cold empty house. Ellie’s grip on her only tightened and Grace didn’t dare let go, but, all good things must come to an end,  
“Do you want a cup of tea? Water?” She asked the girl who had to be at least 16 by now, she was about a head shorter Grace, and now had even more of an attitude,  
“Can we skip the small talk?” Ellie replied, a soft roll to her eyes before she sat herself down on the couch, Grace joined, angling her body so they were looking at each other. Ellie was quick to look away, a crease forming between her brows and a soft frown appearing across her lips,  
“Y-Yeah...”  
“You’re alive. You’re- You- I saw you get bit, Grace,” She stumbled her way through her words, “Does Th- Did that not happen?”  
“Ellie-” She started,  
“It’s a yes or no answer,”  
“Yes. It happened,” Grace spoke softly,  
“Holy shit,” Ellie whispered before turning her whole body away from Grace and staring at the wooden floor, “Fuck. What the fuck,” She raked her fingers across her scalp,  
“I’m sorry, Ellie,” Grace felt the need to reply to the girl who looked like she was going to burst into tears,  
“Sorry?! Are you fucking kidding me! This is great!!!” She grinned, tears spilling out of her eyes, Grace returned a soft smile, not quite understanding the girl’s happiness but her smile only brought one to her face too. “I thought I was the only one; The Fireflies couldn’t find a cure with me maybe they can with you!”  
“They’re done, Ellie,” Grace shook her head,  
“Maybe,”  
“Maybe?”  
“There’s talk of them starting up again and maybe if they knew about you… They could do something,” Grace’s eyes met hers, they were wide and full of hope, she couldn’t help but wonder about what happened when they got to the hospital, curiosity was eating at her bones.  
“What happened, Ellie? At the hospital…” Ellie’s eyes immediately shot away before she shrugged softly, her smile now faded,  
“I don’t know,”  
“Did you not make it there?”  
“No, I just- I don’t know what happened. They knocked me out- Joel said they took some tests but he just,” She sighed deeply, “Gets fucking weird about it,”  
“Weird?” Grace almost laughed, just knowing that Joel’s way with words had still followed him like a curse,  
“Like he’s lying,” Ellie almost mumbled and Grace’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, she didn’t know what to say- “Hey! Do you like my ink?” Ellie spoke ecstatically, making her jump before she looked at the girl who was flashing her with the fresh lines imprinted under her skin, over the top of the scarring of the bite- Grace could only dream of hers healing like that.  
“Pretty cool, kid,” She smiled at her before running her fingers across the raised lines gently,  
“Tryna’ cover it up so I don’t have to wear sleeves all year,” She nodded softly, “Joel walked in on me pouring acid over it,”  
“What?” Grace replied, her eyes wide and body filled with worry,  
“Read the recipe in a science book I found,” She shrugged,  
“Ellie- That’s,” Grace exhaled quickly, “Acid?!”  
“Relax! It’s fine now,”  
“Fine, my ass! You fucking kill me, kid.” 

For the next several hours Ellie filled Grace in on what she had been doing since they had arrived in Jackson, from picking up guitar to picking up a paintbrush to picking up a sniper rifle.

“So, what’re you gonna do about Joel?” Ellie asked once Grace handed her the steaming cup of tea. Her stomach flipped,  
“I don’t know,” She mumbled nervously, “I don’t know if he’d want to see me-”  
“That’s ridiculous,”  
“I don’t know if he’d react like you did,”  
“Like me?”  
“Like… Happy to see me.” Ellie hummed in response before taking a sip out of her mug.  
If there was a time where Joel ever thought of seeing Grace again, she was convinced that she wasn’t there alone, his child would be there too. He would imagine their child. He would think of their eyes, the colour of their hair, their tiny little hands.  
There was no way in hell he’d be satisfied at just seeing Grace there. He’d just be disappointed.  
“Anyone would be happy to see you, Grace.”


End file.
